Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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