Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
you had me at cake vodka
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
