so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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