I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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