i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
