If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
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