Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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