I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
