You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Someone shattered a urinal.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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