Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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