Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
