the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
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I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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