I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
This is the high leading the old right now
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We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
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I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.