Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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