Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.

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  (212): You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido. http://tfl.nu/8t44
  Replies (36) Good night (1198) Bad night (5204)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.

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  (808): Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger. http://tfl.nu/99q6
  Replies (8) Good night (1486) Bad night (4195)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  New charity walk idea!

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  (703): Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished. (202): New charity walk idea! http://tfl.nu/skxt
  Replies (31) Good night (13336) Bad night (1032)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.

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  (952): Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages. http://tfl.nu/1djk
  Replies (27) Good night (1325) Bad night (7297)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?

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  (317): So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road? http://tfl.nu/ir52
  Replies (23) Good night (10128) Bad night (1147)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'

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  (845): we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class' http://tfl.nu/85i4
  Replies (38) Good night (1691) Bad night (6223)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?

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  (703): Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible? http://tfl.nu/w9is
  Replies (12) Good night (815) Bad night (2607)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.

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  (770): I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time. http://tfl.nu/k05m
  Replies (5) Good night (1803) Bad night (667)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?

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  (610): Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil? http://tfl.nu/j8sh
  Replies (5) Good night (1490) Bad night (621)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch

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  (310): That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch http://tfl.nu/7p4s
  Replies (2) Good night (2463) Bad night (529)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.

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  (301): Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level. http://tfl.nu/wvpb
  Replies (3) Good night (1091) Bad night (586)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.

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  (509): Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god. http://tfl.nu/tkyh
  Replies (8) Good night (451) Bad night (1398)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things

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  (248): Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things http://tfl.nu/ht36
  Replies (9) Good night (1320) Bad night (722)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.

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  (619): Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming. http://tfl.nu/68ul
  Replies (4) Good night (830) Bad night (451)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder

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  (918): I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder http://tfl.nu/ny3a
  Replies (0) Good night (403) Bad night (365)

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