the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out