She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't know what to do about my nipple.