So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
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I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
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In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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