a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"