I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.