She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
