I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven