i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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