If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
