its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
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so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
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I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
They have beer where we have blood.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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