I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
