In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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