I love black thongs
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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