i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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