She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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