When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
