So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
