U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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