i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
