Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
