i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize