thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
