I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
