who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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