yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
