oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
