not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
