Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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