my sisters under your porch take her home
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
