I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
