I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
