You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You're like the curious george of whores
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
