Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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