i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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