areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
