I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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