I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
