Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just threw up on my dentist
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
