we have officially lost it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
