pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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