Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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