We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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