I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
