I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so let's talk penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize