I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize