True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
