So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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