I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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