I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
