Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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