My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
