after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
