i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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