nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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