Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
