I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
