Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
false alarm, still single
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
