Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize